Then Came the Real Scary Part

Pressing send on my first post was monumental for me. A long time in the making, with much fear to overcome to put myself out there. But then came the real scary part. Of my immediate family and friends who should I send this to? Am I really ready for this? My internal childhood protector parts on high alert - Protect and hide! The old shame, doubts, and habits of isolation became very present. It was only a small group of people that knew the whole story up until now, and there was much difficulty in communicating to some. Paradigm shifts usually don’t come easy. When I finally decided who I wanted to include, it took days to finally hit send again. During those days, I sat with my wounded parts, very aware of how pervasive the old scary story of sickness and disease is. But I have a new story now, and central to that story is the importance of radical honesty and vulnerability. My new story will only keep moving in the right direction with this. I will only attract what I truly need in community if I hit send. I know this now!

So I pressed send and something electric happened. Best described as an energetic fusing of a split in my psyche. I wept with a big smile on my face, feeling lighter, whole, and alive. I became acutely aware of the split that has been there since my first experience and the immediate aftermath, as it seemingly vanished. Finally, knowing and being seen for who I truly am! I'm here!! A holy peak moment of wholeness - a sense of clarity and fearlessness. My broken, tender, wise heart aligned. Everything perfect as it is. This is good medicine writing and being seen. One more tool in my self care toolbox.

Thanks to all of you that have responded so thoughtfully and subscribed to this newsletter. Appreciate all the questions, concern, and support. This is how we shift paradigms. Feeling held, seen and loved with an abundance of inspiration!

Much love!

The Mad Preschool Teacher

He/Him